Saturday, November 15, 2008

Chapter Eighteen

I can’t believe what a fool I’ve been.

I can’t believe I truly thought that someone like Emmanuelle Sutton would really come with no… attachments.

I really am a fool.

I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on her conversation – I really didn’t.

But the acoustics in my flat make it hard not to hear what’s going on in every room, and when she started talking on her mobile to… whoever called her, I couldn’t help but hear her side of the conversation.

I wish I hadn’t now.

‘You know how much I care about us…’

‘I’ll be there as soon as I can…’

‘It’s a good thing I promised to love, honor and obey…’

Her words keep echoing in my ears, no matter how much I try to block them out.

I knew it was too good to be true – to meet a girl that turns my world upside down without even trying, who I can’t get out of my mind when I should be thinking about surgeries or ailing patients, or even when I’m making dinner or trying to fall asleep at night.

She’s consumed my every thought for the last few days, whereas I’m sure I’m nothing but a flickering conquest in her thoughts.

Love, honor and obey.

I can’t believe she would hide a marriage from me, or god, even a lover, but that’s how it sounded.

No wonder she didn’t want us to go to bed together.

She’s happy to have a dalliance with a bloke like me, but isn’t quite ready to turn into an adulterer.

I guess that’s admirable, even if it meant stomping all over my heart in the process.

I’m a fool.

And yet, no matter how angry I am, how betrayed I feel, I can’t help but still feel strongly for Emme.

She makes me feel alive, she makes me laugh, and god, she’s so beautiful.

And she’s got… substance. Something that’s been seriously lacking in my dating pool over the last few years. Between the gold diggers who think snagging a doctor would solve all their problems to the self absorbed divas to the fellow hospital employees who think more about medicine than human emotion, I haven’t connected with anyone like I’ve connected with Emme.

Which makes this hurt even more.

I just need to let her go, gracefully.

And soon.

But somehow, I think that’s going to be easier said than done.


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